


Better to Love and Lost

by SignatorySea



Category: BomBARDed (Podcast)
Genre: Character Death, Fluff and Angst, MOTA 2019, Secrets AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignatorySea/pseuds/SignatorySea
Summary: The bards never learned each others pasts, this leads to a bad turn of events over summer break.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my March of Arts project, dedicated to Grace our dear friend Death.  
Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Happy MOTA 2019, and Happy Birthday to our wonderful bards.

Chapter 1: Chaos Sauce, Time to go.

Summer break is finally here. Exams are done, tests and odd homework assignments forgotten until the fall. And the wind is squeezed out of a dwarfs lungs.

“Are you sure we can’t meet up over the summer Raz’ul?” Yashee held him tightly, forcing him to tap out on her arm for a proper breath of air. She had definitely gotten stronger on their travels, but then again they all had in their own ways.

“I’m sure Yashee. Unfortunately my family keeps me too busy to leave home, school was my only escape but now that school is over, it’s back to doing chores for me.” A chuckle escaped him as she scratched the back of his head, almost dislodging some of the flowers in his hair.

“Well make sure you at least write to us then, since you know when and where we will be meeting up okay?” Randy chimed in, “Yashee can read me the letters, and help me learn even more words so you can be impressed next time we meet up.”

"Of course, of course." He waved them off dismissively, a smile pulling back at his face. Afterall they were his friends, his first real friends, it would be a disservice to not even try to stay in contact. "Come on now. We have to hurry or we'll miss Alola's closing speech and be stuck in school all summer."

"Oh no, stuck here all summer. With Alto Brown gone that means no yummy treats to eat, we better hurry." Yashee scooped up her boys and took off sprinting towards the front door of the school.

\---

"So thank you students, for staying with us through this interesting year of events. We look forward to seeing all your faces again in the fall." Alola smiled across the gathered crowd, waving them farewell before making her way off the temporary stage set out in front of the school.

"Guess it's time to say goodbye then." Raz'ul turned to his companions, the crowd of students slowly dispersing from around them.

Yashee shakes her head. "Not a goodbye, see you soon. Summer will be over and we'll be back together again before you know it."

"Yup! Before you know it Raz'ul! We'll be seeing eachother soon." Randy glaces nervously towards the sky then to the treeline. "I best be going before it gets too dark, I suggest you get moving as well. See you guys later." Randy sprinted off with a wave.

"Guess we better be heading our own ways too. See you Yashee. Have a great summer." 

Razul was caught in one last super squeeze hug before hurrying off down the main path.

Leaving Yashee to linger with the few other students who were around either just waiting for parents or waiting for some of the crowd to clear.

  
  


Chapter 2: Heading Home

Yashee

Her trip was a quick one, her dad deciding to have brought the band closer to school for her closing ceremony so she didn't have to walk far alone.

Enveloped in warm hugs and smiling faces her sadness over the boys not being near is temporarily forgotten.

Settling down around the fire, she starts to weave tales of magic and wonder, telling her father and extended family all about her travels and adventures during the school year.

Randy

He hated the fact that school was out for the summer, it meant he could only return to one place, back to her.

The nowhere men weren't exactly the best family, but they were all he's ever had so cant hate the family you were born into right?

Maybe you can.

He learned a lot at school, how to read and write some words, how to play his keyboard better. But the biggest thing he learned about from his bandmates, what it feels like to be loved.

A soft sigh of defeat escaped his lips. 'Can't exactly run all summer, might as well buckle up and head right there.' Tucking away his keyboard deep into his pack, Randy picked up his pace. Wanting to be far from the school and away from his friends before any of his forced family found him.

_ We could run Randy. _

'No Eddie we can't.'

_ Yes we could, run and not look back. Give me control and we wouldn't have to- _

'NO! Just back off Eddie. It's not the time, or the place. We just have to stick through the summer.'

Raz'ul

He strolled through the woods calmly. No need to rush. Not like he was missed at home anyway, if they even remembered he was gone.

Shifting his pack higher onto his shoulder he winced as the bag hanging off the side jingled. "Do I have to? Can I just hide with Reed for the summer?" Raz'ul spoke aloud to the plants as he walked, nearly jumped out of his skin when someone responded.

"I mean you could, but I don't think your parents would appreciate that." Emerging from the shadows of a tree was the familiar form of his druid teacher.

"Reed. What are you doing here?"

"Am I not allowed to see my pupil after a long cold season apart? How are you doing my son?" They settled into a familiar pace, heading off into the woods with the sun bright over head.

Raz'ul rolled the question in his head, he was doing good, had a great year at school, made amazing friends, and successfully kept his lineage a secret despite a few close calls. But, now he was heading home. Back to the place he tries to avoid as much as possible, between running off with Reed and now school, heading back was souring his mood considerably. "Okay I guess. Just, lots of odd thoughts up here." He taps the side of his head, gesturing towards the thoughts in question.

His teacher nodded solemnly. "It's only for a few weeks Raz'ul then you'll be free again, and once your graduate for good they can't demand you come back, you'll be a proper bard no one can keep you pinned down in places you don't want to be."

  
  
  
  


Chapter 3: Raz'ul Made it

It was a few days trek back to Mount Tain, a time filled with laughter and joy between the mentor and their student.

On the last day of the trek however they parted ways, as Raz'ul pulled the jingling bag off the side of his pack.

About an hours walk away from home, he finally sat down beneath a tree to do the deed he didn't wish to complete.

Slowly one by one, he took the flowers from his beard and hair. The marks of love methodically replaced by braids laced with gold and gems. Symbols of his status within the family, marks that felt less like him each time he bore them. No matter how much he wished to toss them into the woods for the thieves to retrieve and be done with them, he must wear them, to uphold his parents little faith they have in him.

Putting the flowers away with care, he sat off once more, head feeling as heavy as his heart. Arriving at home was a bit more happy than he had been expecting. All 3 of his older brothers were waiting for him, Dink'ul, Dank'ul and Donk'ul all finely dressed, making his traveling clothes look worse. They were unfazed though, pulling him into a hug full of laughter and warmth.

"Raz'ul! We missed you little bro."

"Yeah we had no one to pick on while you were away."

"No one besides me, sometimes it sucks being the youngest twin"

"How was your trip home?" They lit up with curiosity, expecting a story of valiant battles.

All Raz'ul offered was a shrug. "It was peaceful." Deciding to get the worst of his arrival over he headed inside, the triplets on his heels expecting a better story since they never get to leave home like him.

Squaring his shoulders, breathing deep and slow, he pushed open the door to the room he knew his parents resided in. The throne room stretched empty and cold before him. The brightly colored runner and tapestries doing nothing to muffle the lack of joy brought to him by being back here.

His parents sat at the end of the hall, regal as always on their thrones. "Mother, Father. I have returned home." He swallowed, resisting the urge to choke out that word. This place was far from home for him anymore, but he still had to keep coming back.

The next few hours were a blur to him, a mix of being insulted, and greeted kindly. To many questioning faces, a few to many that he has never seen before, asking him about his travels and adventures. It was only once his parents were satisfied that he got some time alone, and even that wasn't really alone with the servants constantly popping in or walking by.

Sitting in his room, cross legged in the little floor space between his bed and the wall, he pulled Usumptin into his lap. Gently strumming the strings as a tear fell from his face. He missed his band already, not even 2 days into summer and he felt so alone. Yashee and Randy were both probably home safe and happy, yet here he was feeling ever so alone in a mountain full of his people.

He didn't realize he had started crying until the bed creaked behind him, startling him into quickly swiping his face dry.

"Hey, you good?" It was Dink'ul, his eldest brother.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired from my trip."

"If you're tired, why are you on the floor. Come here." He reaches down and pulls Raz'ul up onto the bed, who did little to resist. "I get mom and dad can be a lot, you did well handling them even though you looked like you wanted to scream."

"How do you do it Dink'ul, I'm here for one day and they have driven me over the edge, but you and our brothers are here all the time." Raz'ul gently sat Usumptin aside, turning to talk to his brother fully.

He offers a shrug. "Practice I guess. Mom and dad have always been this odd reserved way with us, but with you, you were pampered growing up, then you turned 10 and they started treating you the way they did the rest of us. So it pulled your heart in a completely different way. And it can hurt."

"Know we still love you Raz, and no matter what happens with mom and dad, you'll always have a place to stay here in Mount Tain with me, even if you choose not to use it."

  
  


Chapter 4: A surprise meeting, Raz'ul.

It had been a week or two, he had a bit more trouble telling time without the sun warming his body. Thankfully his brothers kept it from being too bad, until the party.

Even he couldn't avoid showing up to his own welcome back home party that his parents insisted on throwing for him. What he really didn't expect was some of the people on the guest list.

Bored as ever upon his small throne furthest from his parents, Raz'ul longed to make a flower bloom or play a song, it had been too long since he sat and strummed Usumptin's strings. The hall was filled with people from the kingdom, a sea of faces who always appear at these party's looking for food and an attempt to talk their way into luxury.

What really caught his eye was a familiar faced orc setting up her drums on the small rise off to the side intended for the band. He quickly hid his face in his beard. Doing his best to seem smaller. Last thing he wanted was Yashee, his own bandmate to know his story, to treat him differently because of his nobility.

His efforts were futile however, for she had already spotted him and offered him a wave once she caught his gaze.

He shyly returned the wave, wishing to shrink small enough to disappear into his throne. After all this was not the way he wanted his new family to meet his old.

It wasn't the greatest party, as boring as ever and watching Yashee play made him itch to wrap his hands around Usumptin's neck again, he survived it though. Despite the social interaction and the girls begging him to dance, he got through it by sharing knowing looks with his eldest brother across the little rise that the thrones sat upon.

After the party, amidst people sharing their welcome home Raz'ul slipped his way through the crowd and out of the hall, avoiding Yashee and the band she was with.

Making it back to his room without further incident he pulled Usumptin out from under the covers on his bed, the only safe place to stash his instrument. Wanting just a bit of peace he settled down to play, closing his eyes as his fingers brushed the strings ringing a gentle tune through the air.

"The river flows where the mountains leads as it winds it ways to the ocean

and the sea

The forest grows by the stem and seed and the wind gives life to the branches

and the leaves

Seasons go through the in-between and they're never stuck in the middle

And how do they know to be autumn or spring

Breathing life or stillness in the foothills

And how did it come to that, to this

Any more than I've come to where I am

And now that I am here, I guess

It'll just be what it is."

Slowly his door creeps open, but he's too lost in his song to notice.

"The river flows where the mountain leads as the stars look on from a distance

And over the stones curving through the trees is a pass, a life, a resistance, and me

and me."

He opens his eyes to see Yashee lurking in the doorway with a smile. "Raz'ul! Why didn't you tell me you were a prince this is so cool!" 

"Yashee how did you even find me?" She points at his instrument, enough said then. "I didn't tell you and Randy because I didn't find the right time. You can't just drop the 'oh by the way im a prince' bomb on anyone.' Besides I didn't want the two of you to treat me any different."

He sat his axe aside just in time as Yashee launched herself across the room to hug him. "Silly Raz'ul we would never think differently of you, you're our friend first and foremost."

They fell into a fit of giggles and comfortable chatting about the past week apart. Yashee having met up with her family learned about the gig and wanted to impress her dad with her new skills so she chose to tag along.

Eventually as the hours of the night grew long, Raz'ul kindly excused Yashee from his room to get some rest. After all sleeping in wasn't something a prince got a lot of.

Chapter 5; Randy what are you doing?

_ Are we really listening to her orders? _

"Oh hush Eddie. You know we have no real choice, so we're just going to break in, kill the guy, and forget it ever happened. Just like always." Randy shook his head, shaking away the lingering images of people Rhiannon has made him assassinate over the years for the good of the clan.

_ Doesn't seem like you do a lot of forgetting I can help with that. _

"Keep your hands off my head." He yelped softly as the branch cracked beneath him, thankfully jumping clear before it completely snapped. "Now stop talking to me, we are getting close and I need to focus."

_ Yeah yeah, you're no fun. _ He could feel Eddie settle down, hiding in their little pocket of comfort in Randy's gut.

Steeling his nerves he continued on towards the mountain with the setting sun in the distance. Hoping this quest wouldn't be too complicated.

Knowing his mentor though, it wasn't likely to be easy.

Chapter 6: Raz'ul wake up

He could feel the shift in the room. Someone was with him, but the presence was familiar, comfortable. Shaking it off he rolled over to go back to sleep, probably just one of the maids taking away his garb from the party to be washed, or switching out his water basin for the morning.

It wasn't until he heard the soft slide of metal unsheathing from leather that he knew rolling over was a mistake. By the time his sleep clouded mind reacted it was to late, the metal had found a new sheath.

Randy.

Climbing in the window was easy, even for a castle in an underground cavern they didn't exactly have a lot of security. Finding the youngest princes bedroom proved to be a harder challenge, after all there were four princes apparently. He was told to look for the room that smelled like flowers, thankfully there was only one of those.

Climbing in he froze as the dwarf in the bed stirred. Once they settled, back now towards him Randy crossed the space, pulling his dagger from its sheath.

A pause.

A hitch of breath.

A gasp for air.

He froze, dagger half way into his unsuspecting adversary. His foe who didn't even know he was playing part of this deadly dance until it was far too late to stop the events the wheel put in motion.

A moment in time, stretched on forever as he watched the body tense in shock, a head turned showed a familiar face reflecting his own surprise. The clockwork trinkets on the mantle grew silent. Their breaths completely stilled. The luminescence from the window seemed distilled as the dagger stabbed deep into its new temporary home.

Time held its breath for the two locked in shock.

Before the voice in his head snapped time back to moving. Randy lets go the deed is done.

He stood there, dagger in hand watching the dwarf collapse, wordlessly calling out for help as the crimons liquid visible across his white night shirt even in the dark room.

Two more moments, one to whisper words he doesn't quite remember and the other to cast one last sorrow filled glance over his shoulder before slipping from the window.

Raz'ul

The assalter was gone as quickly as they came, leaving him to scramble to grab Usumptin as he tried to call out for help. His words failing him as the shock of what just took place settled over him.

Rolling across the bed to get to his axe, he lost a bit of balance and thumped to the floor, a scream finally pulling its way from his throat.

It brought people running.

Quickly he was taken care of, in pain but alive. Bundled up in the infirmary he couldn't answer the questions he was asked as to what happened. How could he? His friend, someone he considered his best friend just stabbed him in the back, literally in the dead of night. How do you cope with something like that?

Time became a blur as his head swam, eventually the nurses managed to get everyone out of the room, giving Raz'ul space to breath for a while. Yashee managed to slip her way in. A sigh of relief escaping her as she took note of him still breathing.

Settling down in the bedside chair she gently put her hand on his. Not speaking, just offering him the comfort of being there.

The pain wouldn't last long, never does when you have the best magical healers in the known dwarven kingdoms. He'd be in pain for a few hours, then uncomfortable for a few after that. After all the time passes it will be like the wound never happened, hardly even a scar on his back if it works properly.

Scar on his back would have been nothing though, he was more concerned about the new scar on his heart.

"Randy." 

Yashee must have started dozing cause she jerked up straight when he spoke. "What was that Raz'ul?"

"Randy." He took a deep breath, forcing the words out before he could stop himself again. "He's the one who did this."

Chapter 7: Keep running Randy

'What did I just do? It was him that was definitely Razul. I should go back, make sure he's okay.' He stopped in his sprint, looking back at Mount Tain looming above him.

_ Go back there and they will kill you on sight. Dwarves don't take kindly to those who have stabbed their prince. _

'But hes me friend I have to make sure he's okay'

_ No you're an enemy to them, especially if you didn't fail your job and killed him _ Eddies voice softens a bit.  _ Look kid. We got to get back before they punish you big time for being late. The dwarves are good healers, and your buddy is a druid. He'll be fine. _

Randy nods, hurrying off once more. Still glancing sad looks over his shoulder at the mountain as it grows smaller in the distance behind him.

  
  


Chapter 8; Razul please.

Yashee left 3 days ago, she wanted to stay, but her parents had another gig to attend to. So Raz'ul was left alone.

Which gave him too much time to think.

Which lead to a probably bad choice, he needed to find Randy.

Rising from bed, grunting against the dull pain in his back. He shuffled back to his proper room, his parents had forced him to stay in the infirmary while recovering.

Changing was a task of its own. Having to be careful with his range of motion cause to much stretching could reopen the wound. It was tedious, but a successful part of the mission.

Grabbing his pack and, Unsumthin from his place against the wall, the youngest prince started making his way from the kingdom. Casting pass without trace to make his journey out easier.

Once the cool breeze of the afternoon hit him, a smile formed. As much as he didn't like the idea of trying to track Randy down to get answers, it was nice to be outside again after being stuck underground since summer started.

The trek was tedious, he couldn't move to quickly with the constant dull throb of pain, but he was moving.

With the help of the flora and fauna, he caught the 4 day old trail. Following after his wayward friend.

\---

To say it was a trek was an understatement. 4 days of walking later with nothing but nature and his own thoughts as company, Raz'ul followed the trail to camp.

And was met with multiple weapons aimed at him. "Hey Randal, isn't this that princy boy you were ordered to kill?"

Shit Raz'ul had forgotten to deglitter his beard in his haste.

From a nearby tent, a familiar hafling emerged from the shadows within. "Don't ask me how he survived, I stabbed him clean in the spine with a dagger, up to its hilt. You saw the blood on it." The relief was written on his face as he watched Raz'ul. 

"Not his fault my people have some of the best healers around. Who are you people, if someone paid you to take my life I'm sure the King and Queen will gladly out bid them to know who they are and have em brought to justice." Raz'ul was glad for the royal tone steadying his voice, inside he was shaking in fear.

"Randal!" It was her, that voice, that woman who had come to see Randy on back to school night. "Why don't you come back inside dear, let the others finish what you seem unable to do." It wasn't phrased as a question.

Randy stepped fully out of the tent.

One.

Two.

No three steps towards Razul.

He mouthed a single word, 'Run,' before the world went black.

So run he did but towards where he had seen his friend not away. Grabbing a hold of him once their bodies collide before making a 180 and running away. Momentarily blinded as the darkness gave way to the early afternoon sun.

They continued to run, Raz'ul starting to slow and stumbling behind Randy as the pain in his back flared up more.

"Raz'ul hide." Randy shoved the dwarf into a nearby bush patch before continuing to run. Not moments later 3 more sets of footsteps ran past.

Waiting, huddled in the bush, he jumped at the rustling behind him. Turning he stopped his fist inches from the halflings face. "Raz'ul! Why the hell did you come after me? Follow up how did you find me?" Randy helped him out the bush, making their way perpendicular to where their pursuers had ran.

"The trees. I am a druid Randy. I came after you to get some answers. I hadn't seen you in a week, then you show up in my bedroom in the dead of night, stab me and take off running. Of course I wanted answers."

"I can't give you the answers you want to hear."

"Then give me the truth. We are friends right? Do you trust me with the truth?"

He fiddled with the dagger on his waist. A normal habit of his when he got nervous, Raz'ul noted, or when he was thinking to hard about something.

"I didn't know it was you." His voice was low, as if admitting the words would shatter his entire world. "I was given a job and I had no choice but to answer without question. If it was anyone but you I would have ended them without a second thought. But it was you, and I couldn't bring myself to fulfill my job. I had to make it seem good though, hence the carefully placed wound on the opposite side of your spine, completely avoiding your heart."

His hand tightened on the dagger, waiting for Raz'uls response. "Thank you, for saving me." Raising a hand to his shoulder, Raz'ul poured as much warmth and trust into the small gesture as he could. It's not your fault, I believe you. The words were left unspoken, but laid bare all the same.

They walked for a bit more before they had to rest. Raz'ul was still recovering after all. They sat in silence for a while.

"How many?" He asked the words carefully, giving Randy room to change the subject.

"More than I'd like to admit. This dagger has taken a lot of lives." He pulled the aforementioned dagger from its sheath. It's the pretty one, he says its part of a matching set, but he lost the other long ago.

"You didn't have a choice you need to protect yourself."

"I had to protect myself, I didn't need to enjoy doing it."

"Did you enjoy it?"

He paused for a moment, mauling over the question before he answered. "I had no choice. When you learn this way, the lines of right and wrong get blurred to the point of indistinguishability."

"There's no shame in that Randy, let's take you back to Mount Tain? My parents will help protect you." He reaches out, trying to pull Randy into a hug, without forcing him. His parents could protect his friend, after all they have kept a whole kingdom floating despite assassination attempts, this little group wont scare them. "We can make your life better. You don't need to suffer alone anymore."

"Yeah, we'll make life better." Randy leans into the hug. Letting the dwarf hold him for a moment, their arms fully encircling each other. For that brief moment, everything was right in Raz'uls life again. Then that moment ended.

"Sorry Raz'ul, nothing personal. Just protecting my charge." Confusion bloomed on his face, moments before the pain hit home, the familiar sting of ripping flesh as the dagger found a home on his back once more. He could hear Randy sobbing before the world went dark.


	2. Chapter 9: Oh No, Randy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (bonus chapter of last scene from randy's pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this worth its own chapter? probably not. Did i like it to much to just toss it out. yes yes i did

They walked for a bit more before they had to rest. Raz'ul was still recovering after all. They sat in silence for a while.

"How many?" He asked the words carefully, giving Randy room to change the subject.

"More than I'd like to admit. This dagger has taken a lot of lives." He pulls the dagger from his hip. It's the one dad had given him, the one his brother holds the matching on too.

"You didn't have a choice, you need to protect yourself."

"I had to protect myself, I didn't need to enjoy doing it."

"Did you enjoy it?"

He paused, when he spoke again his voice didn't sound like him to his own ears. Though Raz'ul seemed unbothered. " _ I had no choice. When you learn this way, the lines of right and wrong get blurred to the point of indistinguishability _ ." 'EDDIE! Back the hell off!'  _ No Randy. I have to protect us. _

"There's no shame in that Randy, let's take you back to Mount Tain? My parents will help protect you." He reaches out, trying to pull Randy into a hug, without forcing him. "We can make your life better. You don't need to suffer alone anymore."

Against his will Randy hugs him back. "Yeah, we'll make life better." 'EDDIE NO! PLEASE!' Randy is sobbing inside, though Eddie kept the tears from forming in his eyes. "_Sorry Raz'ul, nothing personal. Just protecting my charge._"

The dwarfs body tensed up as the dagger found a home within him once again. Unlike when Randy was in control, Eddie didn't miss the sweet spot to bring Raz'ul down without a fight. Randy let out a sob, collapsing to the ground as Eddie released their control.

**Author's Note:**

> Raz'ul please don't be hurt, I love you.


End file.
